Bethany's Update

For those of you who would like to keep abreast of what has happened with Bethany in the last 24 hours, here is her updated blog from this morning in it's entirety. She and Mat remain ever so grateful for the prayers, love and support they have received from so many.
They don't take your prayers lightly -- knowing full well that HE is in control.
I am staying on in KC until the weekend.

First and foremost I want to say a HUGE thank you to everyone who commented on the last blog. There is no way I could personally contact each of you, but every single comment, brought tears to my eyes and hope to my heart. Knowing that there are literally people all over the world praying for this teeny-tiny little person inside me right now is the most surreal feeling. Thank you for your thoughts, prayers, words & scriptures.


Yesterday we had a follow-up with the OB. Ours is out of town, so we saw a different dr. who was fantastic. She squeezed us in between C-sections and gave us all the time in the world. Twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome is incredibly rare. So rare in fact that she MIGHT see 1 case in 10 years. (We just keep blowing the odds - first twins, then identical, then ttts - geez. Well FYI we are going to keep blowing the odds when this little miracle is born) Since it is so incredibly rare, questions are hard to answer and best left up to our perinatologist. Anyways. Through her help and the help of our fabulous "virtual" OB & family friend Jenny Keller in Vermont, we have learned that if we can make it to 25 weeks her chances drastically go up. (25 weeks for a singleton is more like 23-24 for a twin - so ideal would be 26-27.) At that point she has approximately 80% chance of survival if we can get steroids going and all goes well after she is born. Of course, if she isn't ready to come out yet - then we want her to stay nice and cozy inside me. I will be going in every other week for a special ultrasound at the perinatologist in which they measure the direction of the blood flow through her heart. If it goes in the right direction, fantastic. If not, we start steroid therapy immediately and I will be induced. We are very blessed that the hospital I was planning on delivering at has the best NICU around- so if we end up needing to use it, it's the best place for her. The unfortunate thing is that I could lose her in the next few weeks and not have any of the typical signs of losing a baby, so my doctor has offered for me to come in for daily fetal heart rate checks if I want. We went a step BEYOND that a just rented the silly machine so I can do it 10 times a day if I want. The doctor has me at home for the next 2 weeks, but not on bed rest. We need blood flow to be happening for her to have her best chances at life, so I am supposed to go on short walks (yeah a year ago I was training like crazy to run the big Sur Marathon. Now I get to walk to the corner and back - funny how life changes) and be moderately active while getting extra rest & tons of hydration (no exercise, no lifting, no cleaning, no added stress) but being completely sedintary hurts her chances. Mat has been doing some research and found out about a therapy that could be optional at this point. So he will be doing a follow-up with our perinatologist today to discuss pursuing that. Unfortunately, he couldn't be with me on Monday at the perinatologist's visit. We had no reason to think anything was wrong and he can only get off for so many appointments and have any type of paternity leave left over - so he wasn't there to ask the right questions and I was too emotional to do so. I always joked with him about his role was as my husband not as my doctor. Now I am so glad to have him as both.


As far as complications after birth, we aren't even going there right now. We are obviously going to love this baby no matter what. That clearly goes without saying. We will cross any and all bridges at the time they arise. As any parent would, we are praying for her to be 100% healthy and strong. We are believing that she will have a mighty story to tell one day. The important thing is to focus on Baby A and staying strong and optimistic for her. One of the biggest things both our virtual OB and our doctor have said is to stay positive - it really does make a difference for the baby. Night before last I dreamed that I was feeding a beautiful baby girl with blond curls. I am choosing to believe that dream will become very real soon. (For some reason she was in dorky clothes and I was feeding her cocoa-puffs, but whatever, she was ours and with US)


Mat and I have been so incredibly touched over the past few days. While we find ourselves tearing up randomly as we think about losing Baby B, we are overwhelmed at the kindness of our friends and family. Honestly, I can't really going into the pain of losing Baby B right now on a blog. At times I find myself not being able to breathe as I try to take it all in. As so many who have experienced the devastating pain of loosing a baby have expressed, it is too intimate for words - at least right now for me it is. That time will come and I am sure I will share parts of it. Right now the experience has to do with the dichotomy of losing one baby while fervently fighting for the life of another.


Currently our house is engulfed in a garden of beautiful flowers from friends and family. We had an incredibly yummy dinner brought in by one of my best friends last night. My parents drove up from Oklahoma. My brother drove in from DENVER and shocked the pants off me - and of course made me start crying, again. 3 of my best friends in Oklahoma have vowed to drive up at a moments notice if need be. We've had phone calls, emails, texts, voicemails and we are feeling so incredibly loved and supported. We've heard about churches and small groups all over the world - literally - praying for our little girl. Through all of this, we are learning to let go and let God. (I know, I know, I sound like a cheesy sign at church, but that is truly what my heart is learning right now) There is nothing we can do except pray and stay positive. At church we've been talking a lot about how Jesus alone is enough. I woke up thinking about that this morning - no matter what may happen, we have Jesus. This promise calms me in the scary times when I start to think, "what if..." His love has been made so incredibly real to us over the past day and half that it just makes me weepy.
Through devastation and heart break we have felt so much love and hope. A dear friend of mine shared this scripture with me yesterday:


When you pass through the waters I will be with you,
and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned,
the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the Lord, your God, The Holy One of Israel,
your Savior.
Isaiah 43: 2-3


I've always intended not to get "preachy" on my blog, but this scripture filled me with peace yesterday. Thank you to all of you - you have touched us beyond words.