God is in CONTROL

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Packing It Up, Turning off the Lights on Another Year


I have ended up this school year weary and worn, not sure why, but tired nonetheless. Yesterday I finally took down a bulletin board, removed the student's housing displays from the space above the top cabinets and emptied the top of my desk -- putting the most of it in files or trashcan. My eyes fell on the posters I've made of their senior pictures from the past nine years. There were two graduation invitations -- one from a developmentally challenged student and one from a former student who was graduating from college. It was the message in their cards that lingered in my thoughts.

I keep all the cards and notes. A minister's wife said one time -- "Save the notes you don't get many when you're past fifty. I guess the same holds true with teachers. Our daughter teaches elementary and has gotten many gifts from students over the years. I've had my share of nice mementos when I taught the younger classes, but when you teach juniors and seniors the gifts they give-- come not from the parents shopping, but from their own pen.

I have about 240 different students in a year and I have to say remembering names is a lot like the Hallmark commercial of the old professor packing it up and the student comes by with a card and thanks him for his instruction -- he finally is able to remember her name and calls her by it, even telling her where she sat in his class by the time she walks out the door.

When my students come back to visit, I always pray, "Lord, help me with that name." Now I don't always remember their names, but their life stories stick with me and several notes they've written come to mind --

It's always something like,
>"I loved your class because we got to cook and have hot chocolate" or
>"This class finally got good when you let us in the cooking lab" or
>"I know I drove you crazy, but thanks for always putting up with me".
>One guy this year wrote"You were always so quick with the comeback when I challenged everything you said" (which was daily).
>"I'm looking forward to you and Mrs. M going on the road with your cooking show" (we used to tease them and say we came as a matched set and planned to hit the road in a Winnebago during retirement and do TV spots.) He went on to say, "You two are inseparable, like ham and cheese". (I guess they always think food when they think of us).
>Another young man said, "I'm not going to lie, at first I didn't take your class seriously. . . but towards the end I did, though you probably don't believe me."
>Several years ago one girl wrote "I've never seen anybody be so passionate about fruits and vegetables, but you were ALWAYS excited about EVERYTHING".
>One girl recently said of me and my co-worker, "I wouldn't have made it, if it weren't for you two." (That student was high maintenance and did take a lot of prayer, I admit.)
>One note I'll never forget was from a young woman who said "You showed me I don't have to get married right out of high school but can still pursue my dream of being a veteranarian, and that there will still be guys left to marry."
>One that keeps me energized, was from a former student who said, "You were always in a good mood." (She had my class early in the day -- lucky for her.Lord, keep me smiling even through 6th period.) She went on to say I had inspired her to go into culinary arts. All teachers really want, is to know we've done our job to the best of our abilities and that we connected on some level with our students, hoping they will go out of our classroom to become responsible parents, partners and citzens in the community. Teaching is what I enjoy and I tell my students each year I'm working my dream job -- However, this teacher is ready for a little R & R to refuel, read, renew so I'll have something to give 'em next year.

Where Everybody is Somebody . . .









The old Cheers sitcom theme song goes, "sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name and they're always glad you came". . that's the kind of church we want Life Park Christian to resemble. We got reminded of that in a powerful way when our church "downsized" about 18 months ago. We became smaller in numbers as some families felt crosswise with the vision that was or was not unfolding at a projected pace and went elsewhere. We were reduced about 40% and it was unnerving and frightening, to say the least. We'd relied on the trusted and true ones to help carry the load of responsibilities. What were we going to do? Who was going to help us? I have to confess I felt overwhelmed as a minister's wife.

People began to step up to the plate . . . and the result was that as a church when someone would miss two Sundays in a row, we'd get concerned, and people would call to check. We became much more attentive to visitors and wanted to make sure they felt at home. We began "meet and greet" community outreach get-togethers that brought people from all walks of life with a myriad of needs. The ministry of body life had to take precedence and not the race to our "promised land" on 61st and Union.

You know sometimes as a church we're caught up in the program for the morning or the deadlines and goals we have for the year -- and don't always take note of who's walking through our doors. (I confess, I can be guilty of this.) All of a sudden every person mattered -- every single person was important. People unlike our regular membership began to attend. Terry always says, "Nobody is here by accident". . . that means God might just send someone who needs to feel cared for and loved that day, someone who's poor in spirit because they've lost a dear one or lost a job or might be going through the ripping pain of divorce. Many folks are just lonely -- in need of family because of crumbling care networks that so many experience.

We have a special lady in our Church family who helps us see the most delightful aspects of others. She continues to remind us where we would be without Jesus Christ and each other. Our pace and our deadline have changed a bit, but our mission is still the same - offering unprecedented redemptive care - loving as Jesus loves. . Don't we all want to go to a church where everybody's glad we came?

I was reminded the other day of the simple fact that everybody is somebody because each person matters to God.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

When God Has a Job for Us


There are seasons when God uses his refining fire on me and I've come to know these as the times HE'S burning off the "phoney and the baloney". I can be stubborn and can give lots of "plausible" excuses when I don't want to do something, I must confess that when God shows me it is important to do I will submit while "kicking and screaming" on the inside.

Twice in the past two days we have been presented with opportunities that seemed to be God asking, "if you're serious about reaching the poor and the lost, the homeless and disadvantaged" how far will you go? When presented with one situation for our church to minister to on Sunday evening - I wrestled sitting there in the pew. I assessed the situation trying to decide if they were "worthy" of financial help (are they drugged out or drunk?) - The thought came to mind - "This is a test of how much we really intend to do for God".
In the second situation my response was -- not in the next 3 weeks, that's when our kids are going to be here off and on. I want our house sane and serene --just like the home they left. (When was our house sane or serene?) I can't take in an extra right now. They need the house to themselves. Don't I often think about how empty our house seems in "empty nest"?


We often mention the good works we plan to do for God when we get to our "promised land" and our building is built. I don't think we're going to step one foot on that place until we've proven sincere and shown ourselves to be diligent in what HE's called us to do NOW. Isn't it in these times of unplanned efforts that HE calls us to where we received the greatest blessings and discover new relationships?

I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in. I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.Matt. 25 gives us our job description. Help me to see you Lord in every opportunity that presents itself to me.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Youth Alive? -- Me???

My friend is moving and asked me to fill her position as sponsor of our school's youth for Christ group, called "Youth Alive". The students are juniors and seniors preparing to launch their lives.

I have to admit at 58 and 11/12ths there are some days as I go to school I am asking "just make me alive today and help me make you look good, God." or "Let me make it today with no more sleep than I've had and not bite somebody's head off." Somedays, I confess, I feel like Sarai of old in an i-pod, i-phone, wii, txt. msging, youth-driven society.

I don't know the new Christian bands, haven't been to a youth rally in decades and my responsiblities in ministry keep me always striving and praying to meet needs of our children's department and hospitality needs of our members.

However, I want to be an influence for God's good in my classroom and with my students. I've prayed that several days on my way to work -- that I not waste this time that I am in the classroom and look at each day as a wonderful opportunity. I realized I couldn't say no --because I've prayed to be useful for HIM, but felt overwhelmed with this awesome responsibility. I feel I have to accept his gifting in this, but I could give several reasons it wouldn't fit into my schedule at this time in my life.

A friend says, "If HE brings you TO IT, HE will bring you THROUGH IT. I know that there will be new things HE wants to show me and teach me and even ways HE wants to stretch me. Saying "no" would demonstrate a lack of faith in what HE can and will do in me.

"I'll took it to the church and have asked for their prayers behind me as I do this." God impressed on me this week that I can't do it under somebody else's agenda but CAN only do it as he opens doors and guides me.

"To Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us. . ." Let's see what doors HE opens up.

Our Friend, Les

After I wrote Ted's blog and later attended the funeral service for him, I looked over and there sitting with his wife was our friend, Les. I want to give these words to Les, long before we will have to eulogize them.

We call him LES, his wife, Orpha, calls him LEROY, and Terry and he refer to each other as PAIN BROTHERS. Les has left a deep impression on me and my family. Serious, always steadfast -- Les has faced so many trials. Six years ago he suffered a severe heart attack and we were afraid we were going to lose him. Les has come through so many different transitions and always stays the course. If anybody could say, "Who signed me up for that?" it's Les. Forced into an early retirement because of his MS, Les also has limited vision due to macular degeneration.

There are times when you will be standing talking to Les and he'll weaken and go down on one knee as his legs give out. To Les I want to give one of my favorite verses from Jude 24 -- "To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy --to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord,"

Les is an overcomer and I believe these overcomer passages speak to our friend, Les, as we see him take life's tests and pop quizzes with the strength and dignity of a man of God.

To him who overcomes, I will give some of the hidden manna. I will also give him a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to him who receives it. Will it say "LEROY?", "LES?", or __________? (the new name God gives.)
Revelation 2:16-18

Revelation 3:12
To Him who overcomes I will make a pillar in the temple of my God. Never again will he leave it.


All you stand for and have stood through is not lost on the rest of us. You're an example of endurance and patience.
We love you, Les

My Dad


I am my Dad's only daughter and my mother told me he picked out my name.

He would have been 89 yesterday, I realized this as I looked this morning at yesterday's blog date on one of my drafts. He died 10 1/2 years ago at the age of 78, but he still leaves his imprint on me as I face life's challenges. He lived with the severity of muscular dystrophy the last eleven years of his life on a respirator and feeding tube. When given this diagnosis in his mid 30's, he had to make major adjustments to his life so that he could still work to support his family and serve the Lord. I have heard him quote his favorite verse from scripture, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phil. 4. He lived that passage.

I remember seeing him practice for songleading with his stiff right arm at our dining room table on Sunday mornings and listening for him to come home from late night Elder's meetings. Mom said he would often lie awake concerned for people that he was shepherding.

I remember his struggle to walk later on in life. He kept going to church as it took more and more equipment to get him there. When he was put on a respirator, he lost his ability to talk for a year. Then one day I got a phone call and the husky voice on the other end said, "Jan this is your dad." It didn't really sound like his voice so I shot back, "This is not my Dad, my Dad can't talk!" and after a time he did convince me that it actually was him. He devised a way to cover the trach opening so he could talk -- he even became able to lead prayer at church." People sat up and listened to those prayers.

He was a quiet man, and it was the way he lived his life that spoke more than words.

However, we did have several significant talks that stand out in my memory.

I remember he was concerned I'd stay a tomboy forever. So one day in his walking shorts he showed me how to sit on the couch properly like a lady does instead of plopping down. He wanted to make sure that his only daughter became a lady not a tree-climbing, bike riding roughneck. He wasn't big on "I love you's" or "Wow -- you're a great gal." But I knew he quietly and deeply loved me.

Sometimes It would go like this as he used one of his expressions (Dad had several). "Beauty is as beauty does", he'd quote his mother' (In other words, act nice and you'll be pretty.) I was looking for more of a "you're so beautiful" when my face was broken out or my hair wouldn't grow right. He told my Mom once -- that yellow was a good color for me and she passed it on. I glowed inside -- because he didn't throw around empty compliments.

He took me for my driver's license 6 months after I turned 16 -- he felt I wasn't ready upon turning the legal age, so he had me wait and practice more. I had the habit of singing when I drove and I think that drove him crazy and caused him to think I wasn't safe behind the wheel. He told me I probably wouldn't pass -- but I did. That gave him something else to contend with -- so he said -- "this doesn't mean you can take the car whenever you want to." I was okay with that and didn't fuss much because I trusted my Dad. He finally turned an old Studebaker over to my younger brother Bill and me that was so old it had a hole in the front floorboard that would soak you if you hit a mud puddle. I guess he thought we couldn't do too much damage with that and there would be no big loss.

He took me shopping for shoes on a Saturday before Easter so I could get some red high heels to match a dress I was making. One thing I realized Dad was a much better shopper than Mom -- he let me have what I wanted and didn't worry if they were to "old" for my age or how much they cost.

I remember He was always working at his desk in their bedroom and I would go sprawl across the bed while he worked and talk about the life issues I needed answers for.

I went to Dad when Terry and I had a foster child that was giving me lots of hassles and I felt like I'd never be much of a mom when I had my own kids-- his words were, "You will be a great Mom -- you have to start with them when they're born - you got this child when she was 13." We did the math and realized if she'd been my biological child -- I'd have been 13 when she was born. Those simple words helped give me confidence when I thought I'd blown the whole motherhood thing.

He wasn't in to lots of praise and empty flattery - but the most memorable thing he said to me one time when I was overwhelmed with two small kids, home and ministry and feeling rather inadequqate, "I don't see how you do it all Jan," and then proceeded to give me one of his genuine compliments on my organization.

He never got past his associates degree in college - He worked a job he was dedicated to for 41 years. Towards the end of his tenure he would have to go early and leave late, so that he could manage the 4 flights of stairs in his braces -- Dad didn't make a lot of money in fact it was pretty tight quite often. He wanted for each of us a Christian college education and worked to see us all have our degrees. I don't know how they lived the year all 3 of us were in college. I do know he would work overtime at the plant and they would use some of what they'd put back for their later years to scrape by.

In all of this, he raised a family on limited strength, yet instilled in us the desire to be strong in Christ and be faithful to HIM and to our spouses, to work hard and do good.

Those later years when he had to be confined to bed I often wondered what he thought about with so much time. I know one thing, he and Mom would pray daily for their grandkids. When he knew I was coming home for a visit he would start praying for the heat of July to break and for cooler weather to come -- it always did.

When I think of my growing up years this verse comes to my mind. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. Psalm 16:6 Dad and Mom made sure that our lives were safe and centered on Christ. That has set the stage for my adult life to be happy and whole. They left us a delightful inheritance of faith.


I am thankful that my Heavenly Father gave me Lyndle Glynn Neese as my earthly Father 59 years ago.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Sheriff Ted


We have sustained a tremendous loss in our Church family this week. Our friend, Sheriff Ted Self, has taken a new assignment and left a gaping hole in our fellowship. This past Saturday night, shortly after Ted finished his day working at the flea market, God took him home.

Sheriff. Ted managed security for our Children's ministry center for many years and did it with a grandfather's care and concern for kids. We got to church last Sunday morning and since it wasn't Ted's usual Sunday to work, no one was surprised to find someone else sitting at Ted's desk, but we all found ourselves looking for him.

One little five year old came through the door looking for Mr. Ted because he always had a special donut for her. She passed up breakfast and looked for his red truck in the parking lot because that meant he'd have her treat waiting. Our son, Marshall, came into town unexpectedly from India this Sunday, and first thing he did was stop by the children's center to look for Ted because he always enjoyed their "catch up" time.

Ted watched over the children with a grandfather's gentle parenting. If kids were rowdy and roughhousing he would calm them down. If a class was understaffed he would find the necessary help for the class. He got there early and made coffee, hid the Daylight donuts he'd bought for the teaching staff and made sure the thermostats were set correctly and fans or heaters were in the needed places so the classrooms would be ready for the little ones. Children felt his love and good humor.

Ted's Class. One Sunday when Marshall was home for a visit I asked which Bible Class he had attended. He responded humorously, by saying "Ted's" "It was "open mic and so we both talked." Ted, of course, didn't have an official class but many people did want to sit with him while he worked the front desk. Teenage girls would chatter on and on to Ted about what was happening in their lives. He would often say to me "I'm not sure why they're telling me all this." He would nod and smile as they talked and return to his Sunday morning paper. Our daughter also made sure she got to visit "Ted's class" when she was back from Kansas City. People found him to be a good listener and ready to offer a soft answer which was always heavy with wit and western wisdom.


Collector. Ted had an eye for the needful and the necessary. I believe he truly lived by the axiom, "one man's trash is another man's treasure" and he worked hard to find what his friends could use or were collecting. He told me that he knew teachers needed lots of supplies and that he liked to furnish necessary items for their classrooms. I loved it when Ted would meet me on Sundays mornings with ''I found a $5" box at the flea market and thought you could use some of it for teaching.". There would be all sorts of treasures! He knew Terry's love for Texas and passed on different memorabilia from his home state. I have to say that right now, looking at all the things you've given, Ted, makes the pangs of loss even deeper.

Handy-Man/Servant. I was told that Ted kept a list of people who needed help with particular chores. He didn't move folks up on his list but took them in turn as he could get to them and didn't like to be pressured to put your job ahead of someone else's. He was a no fuss / no frills kind of guy who showed up, did a great job and made sure that things were in good repair.

Grandfather. To his grandchildren I would like to say that you were often in his conversation. He had your best interest at heart and would show your pictures to others as he bragged on you and told your stories -- your welfare was his first priority.

Father. To his sons. You were his pride and joy.

Philosopher.Ted lived long enough and being a student of human nature had a homespun philosophy that represented life's important values. Sitting desk on Sundays, he often shared his thoughts about the state of the world, the government, the economy and weightier life issues. Those who've received Ted's frequent e-mails experienced his humor and philosophy first-hand.

Sunday night after getting the sad news from Ted Jr., we walked through the children's ministry center and found the lights on, the doors unlocked and things in general disorder. I found myself automatically thinking -- "I know Ted closed this place down before he left - there's no way Ted would have left it in this shape.". No, not this Sunday, you were already at your new assignment, Sheriff Ted. You are greatly missed by your Life Park Christian Family!

Back in the USA!



Marshall arrived home last Friday night from India after having spent seven weeks there completing a rotation at Vellore Medical School and traveling through the country and lastly trekking through Nepal. His stories and impressions have brought back so many memories of the time we spent there during the 70's teaching ministry training schools. We lived this trip vicariously through his e-mails and phone calls. We're thanking God for his safe return.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Come to the Table





"He invites us in to His banqueting table and His banner over us is love." are the words to the the song taken from Song of Solomon. I have sung these words since I was young and I like them so much that I even considered getting this verse in the creative letters you can attach to the wall. (I did a price check and it was a little too wordy for my wallet.)

What is it about a table?

Once in a communion meditation I talked about Saturday mornings around our table growing up -- my folks would give us life lessons and encourage us to do our best. It was a time when we connected.

Growing up our dining room table was the hub of family life. It always held lots of projects and served up meals to hundreds of people as my mother loved to invite folks in. That same dining room table now has found a home in our daughter's house and hosts people by the dozens as she has inherited her both of her grandmother's gift of hospitality.

Dad helped us to get our dining room furniture by giving us a loan. I remember getting him in his wheelchair and loading him in the car and rushing him to the store right before closing time to show him the entire set we had found and wanted to purchase. It was a bit beyond our budget -- so Dad handed over the cash and we paid him back monthly for about 2 years. (During our first 17 years of marriage we had used a church utility table and folding chairs.) Dad would make up reasons to cancel a particular month's rent -- but nonetheless we did get the debt paid off.

Maybe that is why our dining room table is so precious to me. I just know the joy I feel when I fill it with food and then surround the table with dear people - family, old friends and new acquaintances. I love it when people get closer to each other at my table. We host a lot of church dinners and, with extra tables, I can pack about 24 into my dining room. Sometimes I just like to sit back and listen . . . people laughing . . . people opening up. . .people sharing. I hope they know how much I wanted them to come to my table.

Last year on Mother's Day our daughter made sure she and her husband and our son were home. She told her brother, "Mom needs us there". I remember looking at them and thinking it how wonderful it was to have my most favorite people in all the world around my table. I don't get to do that as often since their lives in the medical field and in education keep them very busy, so any time we share a meal is special.

Isn't that what communion is all about . . . God's favorite people meeting around HIS table and sharing, opening up and realizing how much HE wants us to come to HIS table.

Friday, May 15, 2009

The Mystery of My Pencil Can - or "What's in Your Wallet?"


The commercial says, "What's in your wallet?" With the economic crunch I would have to respond -- less and less. We have had some cutbacks in our income while at the same time increased monetary needs for the ministry. Twice I thought I had our budget balanced -- and then would come a new financial need and our living expenses would take another hit.

We believed that God was calling for greater sacrifice and stewardship than ever before and it made us excited to see how creative we could get as we pared down our budget. I do have to say that there was not a lot of "wiggle room" left in our discretionary spending.

One Sunday morning, I was thinking about the concept of stepping out with God for our giving as I was preparing our tithing envelope on the desk in our kitchen. My pencil can sits in the corner of that desk and as I went for a pen, I looked and there was $10 in it. Just when I had no cash left in my purse -- I thought "look at what God provided". I reckoned God wanted to put some "mad money" back in my now slim wallet. That was a blessing, I smugly thought, for being so frugal with my new budget.

The second week I found cash in the can, as well, not the same amount, but nonetheless, it was significant. I began to realize that it happened on the weeks when my mid-week ladies' Bible study would meet at our house, though I never saw anyone put it there.

In late February it was my Sunday to give the offering devotion. We had been talking about the fact that God gives us tests along the way and that in this financial upheaval, so many of our members were being tested and stretched in their pocketbooks. This particular week during praise and worship I felt the nudge to "pay it forward". I had already been feeling so blessed to have the spare cash from this strange weekly occurrence of "cash in the can". - but God's prompting seemed to be that I should use it (and the previous amount) for a specific need someone had each week. I admit that I did question a bit -- just when I thought HE was my replacing my spare cash, God seemed to be saying to let loose of what I was so nervously trying to hold on to.

Finally, more than halfway into our study I was able to determine which of the ladies was leaving a love gift behind. She and I never talked about it -- but today I e-mailed her to reveal that I had the "goods" on her.

Vicky is a radiant woman who lives with God in the moment every day and it shows on her face. She is a new friend who just happened to come to this study with a member of our church. God used her to teach us that HE is very present with us and our focus needs to be on what HE is doing and wants to do through us. . . not on our limitations. God is showing us new ways to cut back to be better stewards of our resources and still share. He is making me more careful with spending (I needed to be)--and at the same time prompting me to not be miserly toward others.

Vicky's generosity has caused such fun for us as it has become a delightful experience to see what need would arise and what would be in the can. I have seen that my "mad money" -- could be put to much greater Kingdom good than spent on my scores of projects.


The verse says -- Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

God is a Giver and has been so generous with us.
We appreciate those gifts even more at this time and we continue to thank Him that we still have jobs and the benefits they provide.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

The Faith That Was In . . .Your Mother.


My mom was a tiny little thing . . . she weighed 98 pounds for many of her adult years and had more energy than the EverReady Rabbit. She would garden, sew, have lots of company, teach Sunday school and transport us lots of places.

She had always had to work hard -- her mother had been sick so much of Mom's young life and at 3 she said she learned to wash dishes and early on learned to take care of people. After she graduated from high school she did home nursing.

She was creative and could make a dress out of a yard of fabric. She could re-design clothes into another garment. She canned, made jellies and sauces and loved to bake and made the best candy. Every holiday she thought was worth decorating for. Whatever was worth doing -- she believed you could learn how to do it. Her Dad was a carpenter and she taught my brothers to build cabinets and desks. She oversaw our 4-H projects, made us practice our instruments and our house was always humming with something she had us doing. A lot of those projects took place on our dining room table.

We didn't have a lot of money and her words always were, "We can make it for so much cheaper than that". As a teenager I hated those words. I wanted clothes from the department store and she taught me to sew and make my own.

One of my earliest memories of my mother is watching her pray silently for the longest time before she ate her lunch. I wondered at the time what she could be talking to God about for that long. I'm sure my brothers and I gave her plenty of reasons, but prayer was always such a vital part of her life. I know it sustained her as she took care of my Dad his last 15 years.

One thing that made her wise was the time she spent in the Word. After we all left home she set out to read through the Bible each year. Oftentimes she'd get up early and read for long periods of time. She and Dad faced his confining illness head on those long years and her care for him resembled that of an intensive care unit.

Mother's Day 2003 was our last Mother's day with Mom. The three of us were here together - By that time she could talk very little. She continued to smile and laugh and we could tell her mind was still very sharp.

I wonder what she thought about during those long days -- she often would look over at the pictures of her "special six" (grandkids) and whisper I'm sinning by being so proud.

One thing I'm most sure of -- those passages she had stored up during the years before sustained her - "Your word have I hid in my heart".

Mother's Day

I've been looking for someone to buy a mother's day card for. Both my mother and mother-in-law are with Jesus and this year I wanted to remember someone with a card. For the past five years I preferred to stay away from that section of the card aisle at Wal-Mart and Hallmark.

This year, I bought one and have decided who'll I make "mother of the year" with my card. Last year Marshall and I took her 5 yr. old shopping for Mother's Day and she ended up buying a talking pig that she knew her Mom would enjoy as much as she did. I decided the best way to celebrate is help my preschoolers and toddlers make a special gift for their moms.

I remember when Mother's day for me as a young wife was a bittersweet time -- yes, I loved my mother very much -- but I was unable to have children for a period of seven years. I would buy the card for my mom, find the appropriate gift and make the phone calls to share the day with her. But secretly I longed to have my own child to celebrate the day with.

I went to baby showers of my young pregnant friends, heard their stories of labor and delivery and moaned on the inside, afraid that I would never be able to have a child. I found myself identifying with all the women in the Bible, like Hannah who prayed so hard for a child Eli, the priest, thought she was drunk. I have a keen sensitivity for women who face infertility problems.

After many tests, a miscarriage and different medical procedures, Terry and I were able to have two children. I found myself elated and a little overwhelmed at times when at 30 yrs of age I had a precious daughter, Bethany, and at 32 had our son, Marshall.

At first, I was so cautious and tense that I couldn't relax and take a nap without having my Dad sit and watch Bethany sleep in her bassinet to make sure she was okay.
Every age and stage of my children was a gift. I sewed matching outfits, read and sang to them constantly because I felt that I was so totally responsible for how they turned out. I took my job so very seriously. Maybe I was the first "helicopter mom". I made plenty of mistakes -- there are times I wish I had relaxed more -- times I wish I'd better prepared them for something they are facing in life presently.

The night Bethany was born I opened my Bible to Mary's song -- and read these Words from Luke 1, "for He has been mindful of . . . the Lord has done great things for me." I had chill bumps --You see during those 7 years, I thought HE'd forgotten all about me. When Marshall was born I looked over at him and thought -- "I have a boy also". I had been told we should only have two children because of my health and I realized that God was allowing me to have both a daughter and a son! Growing up with brothers I was thrilled to have a son also.

These years have flown so quickly -- I don't know where time has gone -- knowing my children as preschoolers, primaries, young teens and now young adults has been so fulfilling. Watching them take on the adult world and learn their perspectives has been rewarding.

My job as mother is different now -- am I still a helicopter mom? I don't think so, but I hear that my son tells his sister and his Dad, "Don't let Mom know this -- she'll worry and have lots of questions." You see, I'm known as the Family Interrogator (Marshall is presently trekking in Nepal after doing a surgery rotation in Vellore, India, and I have been doing a lot more "knee time" about that young man.)

My parent's example was that they didn't stop parenting when we left home and I learned a lot from watching them. Every day they would pray for their children and their six grandchildren. I have since realized how careful they were about the advice they offered and know there must have been many times they "bit their tongues" to keep from giving a lecture or stern warning.

Guess that's my job description now -- keep on my knees and choose my words carefully!

Saturday, May 9, 2009

If It's Saturday -- He Must Be in Nepal


Someone said to me the other night, your kids are not afraid of anything! That was said in response to the fact that with travel advisories posted in some areas, Marshall went on with his travel plans to go to Nepal. He did lots of checking as to the safety of it, and the morning he was to fly out of Delhi he called to tell us it was a "go". It was bedtime here in the states and I woke several times during the night to pray "Lord shut the airports if it's not safe for him to go there." Knowing how uncertain political changeover can be -- and how unaware tourists can be of what is actually going on in a foreign country, I prayed for his discernment and wisdom. Other reports from people inside the country have been that things are very calm and peaceful at this time.

The one thing I do know is that lots of folks have been in prayer for him here. I have to attribute his safety to that fact.

Marshall's gotten his wanderlust from his parents, I suppose. When the kids were small, we carted them all over the world and both of our kids have loved to travel and work in other parts of the globe. Canada is in his heart since he went to Northern British Columbia to complete a semester there his junior year. Marsh also wants to help my brother Allen do medical missions in Zambia.

He's spent the last 8 years in libraries and labs and taking scores of tests. This medical rotation in India and traveling to Nepal is something that he has wanted to do before he starts his 4-5 yr. residency program in hospital operating rooms working 70 - 90 hr. weeks.

Marshall and I were chatting on-line this morning -- it was Sat. night for him up in the Himalayas and me at the computer upstairs. He asked me what I was doing for Mother's Day -- I said I was doing it talking to him on line!


Be safe Marshall and come home soon.
God is with you.
Love ya, Mom

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Stuck In the Middle




I'm a middle child -- you can see from the pictures of me and my brothers - early on and most recently. It was my lot to have to sit in the middle of our 57 Chevrolet when we went on a trip and I was the one in the middle of all the kid pictures.

There were lots of lessons I learned to protect my place.. . as the only girl in the middle. I could always scream louder and tattle -- which didn't always work in my family. I would try to get my Mom on my side since she was a girl too, I reckoned --not always easy to do.

Once my younger brother convinced me that not only was I the middle child but that I was adopted since this was a family that only had boys. For a while I believed him.

Having two brothers taught me a lot about relationships and life. Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself so you don't get squeezed. On the other hand being in the middle often you can enjoy the protection that two brothers bring.



We all went through a hard time together when my husband and I cared for our ailing mother. It was so much comfort to discuss her care with my brothers long distance and have them come and help with the day-to-day decisions and routine. We could see her enjoy the benefit of her three kids working together.

It's been six years -- but it was a time that we can still look back on and remember that we did it together and I was in the middle -- with both brothers on either side.

Mother's Day 2003

Take Me Back



Sunday we sang an old spiritual "Take Me Back -- take me back -- to the place where I first received you" and I got to thinking about one of the first places I first came to know the Lord. It was an one-room Church in Pike County, IL. It was where my grandparents, Bill & Hazel Neese, attended -- my grandmother even had a stroke there one Sunday morning and went home to Jesus on the way to the hospital. It was a tiny building with a floor-furnace heater, funeral home hand fans to keep you cool in the summer and an outhouse if you really had to "go" that badly. We often came "up home" to visit 5-6 times a year and would attend with all our relatives. You see we went to a much more modern church (with air-conditioning and a fellowship) -- and this all seemed rather primitive. But as the years have gone by I see that those lessons of truth have stood the test of time and modern invention.

The adults would quote their favorite verses -- I can still hear my Dad say that his was Phil 4:19 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" -- he proved that during the 11 years he was confined to a wheelchair and on a respirator with muscular dystrophy. He never wavered in his belief. My Aunt would often start the hymns if there wasn't a man available who could carry an accapella tune in a bucket. She lived out the faith of those hymns with the courage she sang of, having the same disease as my father for 30+ years.

My old great aunt would take the children to the back of the room and teach them a Bible lesson. There weren't videos of veggie tales, huge Bible characters in costumes, or even flannelgraphs -- just Aunt Ruth with her Bible open - teaching one of the stories of the Heroes of the Faith. It must have "caught" because most of those cousins grew up and are still strong believers today.

All those people there were connected in some way -- aunts, uncles, second-cousins, and close neighbors. It was a simpler time - life didn't seem so complicated to an 8 year old girl -- just love the people you're with -- love the Lord wholeheartedly -- do the best you can.

This instilled in me some necessary core values: Unity, Love, Adoration and Striving for Excellence.


Sunday, May 3, 2009

Pappa is 92 today!


For as long as I have known my father-in-law, Artie Bell, I have respected him as a kind and loving man with a sweet smile. I always saw him as one of the strongest men I knew. I watched the way he cared for Wanda, my mother-in-law and marveled at the way he never complained at the turn of events his life had taken the last 25 of their 51 years of marriage. He was an outdoorsman to the core - he loved to "rough it" by sleeping out under the stars, fishing, hunting and mining for gold.

But then with Mom's illness, Pappa became cook, caregiver and house-husband. They were always a team. She gave him cues on how to make her pies for thanksgiving, when to put the turkey on and stuffing in the bird. He, on the other hand, could make the best cornbread, homemade vegetable soup and thick juicy chuck steaks on the grill.

Charles Artie Bell was middle of 10 children and grew up in the sand hills of Southeast TX. He most always had some sort of pet and could catch and tame any critter. His older sisters made sure that he and his brother Calvin kept in line and did their schoolin' so it was no accident that he and Calvin both went on to graduate from college. Pappa lettered track at TX Lutheran, went to the war and then later graduated from Pepperdine University lettering in track there also. He had to work different jobs while in college and keeping up with sports, a marriage and his academics was time-consuming.

Artie served his country in WWII and then retired from the military in 1964- having done overseas tours of duty, one in Japan with the whole family. Wherever they moved (there were 30+ relocations) Pappa made sure that the family first found the Church, sometimes even starting one in their own home. He would get the family in school and settled quickly. Terry said he and Mom made all the moves seem like new adventures.

Pop, as I often called him, is very different now --living in a retirement center for those with memory problems. His body seems frail, but he still has the same sweet smile. In February, Terry was visiting with him and was trying to touch the parts of the past that Pop could remember. It would go like this, Terry would bring up an incident and Pappa would add his part to it and then he would laugh and say "We sure had a good life, didn't we?"

Yes, Pappa, YOU made sure we ALL did!

Blog Archive

Followers