Looking Back

Dying has never been an option as we faced this cancer thing 12 months ago . . .

I wasn’t going there in my thinking . . .we have adopted the “we are KICKIN’ it” mindset. 

I read somewhere at the end of cancer treatments – patients sometimes have sort of a panic feeling – wondering if the cancer is really under control.  It doesn’t help when I find e-mail posts offering reduced prices on cremation and burial plots –it sort of gives me pause.  One funeral home sends me junk mail at least once a month on advance planning.. 

A friend on FB the other day said, “Thank you Lord, for leaving Jannie with us a while longer.”

BAM!!! That jolted me  .  . I hadn't planned OTHERWISE!

Living each day – loving my people – making the day count for good has become dominant in my thoughts.

Worrying if I am meeting somebody else’s expectations drains the reduced energy that I do have and doesn't help the dizzy feeling I have every morning.  (God sent me an interesting e-devo on that very thing this week- I needed that one).

I expected to be bouncing back right now (in my usual hyper-energetic mode- not quite like Tigger – but you got the picture) – Truth is: my energy gives way about 4 pm and some days doesn’t return ‘till the next morning.  I seem to catch more “bugs” than before – and this season the usual holiday activities and closing out the semester have left me feeling overwhelmed most days. All that frustrates me.   My radiation doctor on Monday said to consider what my body has been through in the past 12 months -- sort of changed my thinking -- but didn't give me any more energy at the moment.

Another morning devotional last week on ENDURANCE - helped my "why am I always feeling so fatigued?" questions)  HE is a Good Good Father as we sing alot at Life Park.

When I get this tired I can’t remember where I put things (chemo brain?  or just getting older???)

Case in Point:  I lost my dress shoes Thursday night packing for our holiday trip--- looked for the longest and finally found them packed in the suitcase when we arrived at the hotel last night. hmmm- thought I'd checked there already!!!!

Soooo. . .
 I’m learning a new pace. 

. . . more patience with myself and others

. . . choosing peace over drama

. . . thankful  . . . Thankful . . . THANKFUL!

. . .realizing“perfection” isn’t what it’s cracked up to be – but relaxing and enjoying the moment are vital.

The Word says that God knows the number of our days – for me that will suffice.  I’m happy – lovin’ Jesus and lovin’ on all my people this Christmas Season. 

I’m grinning all the way down to my toes when I found out yesterday that Mat and Bethany will be joining the whole Bell/Good clan on Christmas night for dinner.  Lots of pics with grandbabies to follow soon.