JIAT- Jesus is Already There

To be honest, MORNINGS are my worst throughout the treatment cycle.  At about day 7 in this two week trip - I get to feeling more energetic in the mornings -- but even then -- I often am a bit dizzy and light-headed,if not queasy, as I start out.  I always feel better by mid-day.
The other morning was an especially dizzy- out of breath wake-up and as I was heading North to Owasso, I was thinking how much nicer it would be to have been able to sleep a full 8 hours (not the 4 am wake-up ) -- and wondered how I was going to last the full day.  
I thought -- "OK, you've said Jesus is on your journey -- Jan -- so it's time to grab on to that and turn this thinking around."
The thought came  -- "JESUS IS ALREADY THERE"
HE'S in our future and in your moment- HE knows what today is going to be for you"

I know whose voice that was.

I love this passage from the Old Testament
The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
Deut. 31:8

Bound by Love

I have a custom of wearing a piece of jewelry given to me by one of my special people when they are going through a big event or a hard place. 

Sherry and Karen and the entire Reams family– our friends in Lubbock Texas had bracelets made to remind friends that Jesus is on this Journey.  They have dedicated these to Jan Good and myself praying for our complete healing and promise to keep them on until the word comes that we’re both cancer free.

I’m over-awed – stunned – what a beautiful expression of support and love – reminding us that Jesus has our back.

WHO said Bald is Beautiful???

This one was hard for me.

It. Was. A. Biggie.

I had dreaded it BIG TIME and prayed to get a pass.  I would remind God of the verse that he knew the very number of hairs on my head and I was wanting to hold on to EVERY ONE of them.

Do you know there are no positive scriptures about baldness?

There was the time the children were making fun of Elisha calling him a “baldy” and they got cursed – Oooooh that was ugly.

I knew it was time – my scalp had ached like I had a 100 cow-licks

It was sort of like when I was in my mid-twenties and trying to jump off the high dive – I would change my mind and then go back and try again

.

My hair was coming out in handfuls this past weekend after my second treatment.  It was agonizing – knowing I was going to soon be bald.

Terry and I talked about it and he said he’d take care of it for me – but knew it would be upsetting and I probably would have trouble sleeping

we post-poned it to Monday night.

After dinner we got to it – it didn’t take long

I didn’t have that much hair left

It all came off pretty quickly as tears streamed down my cheeks.

T kissed me and remarked he’d never kissed a bald-headed woman before – funny guy

My head was cold

My head felt so prickly when I put anything on it

He was right – I didn’t sleep well – stayed awake from 2:00 on

 – b/c my head felt like needles – BUT the sore scalp problem was over.

One doctor’s words – if you’re keeping your hair with breast cancer – the meds aren’t working –

It still is hard to look in the mirror – I have to get reacquainted with myself each time.

(I had a real fear of losing it – and looking freakish in front of 130 students)

I discovered – scarves do stay on my head during the day – I have lots of them – some I even got in India 35 years ago.

I’m am going to a class offered by the American Cancer Society on how to tie them – and apply make-up called “Looking Good – Feeling Better”.

Soon my wig will feel comfortable again

My friends at school and my family have designated PINK TUESDAYS in honor of those who are fighting and have won this fight against Breast Cancer – It was the support I needed to show up on my first “No Hair” day.

My students – made positive comments about my head gear yesterday-that was a boost.

One sweet student put a note in my mailbox – encouraging me and telling me she looked up to me.

To a bald lady in her mid-60’s – during a very awkward day – that was a gift.

“Bad hair days” are hard for any woman – “No-Hair Days” can be even more so— scripture calls hair our covering.  We put a lot of time and effort into our hair.

But I have the opportunity and resources for good medical care

Within a month after chemo it will grow back.

Until then – it’s hats and wigs and scarves – praying for a Spring with little wind.

I can’t bring myself to post a picture bald – but I will post my first morning out in a scarf on PINK TUESDAY!

I am covered by so much love and support --God is my covering and HE has blessed me with the best!

   Psalm 91

Surrounded

In Youth Alive yesterday I posed the question -- "When you get to Heaven which Bible character do you want to meet and what would you ask them?"

Kids said things like 

Noah -- how did you sleep with all those animals?

James- what was it like to be the little brother of Jesus?

Esther -- was she sooo scared when she went in to the King?  HOW beautiful is she, really?

Ruth -- what was it about your mother-in-law that made you want to leave home and follow her?

Someone wanted to ask Baalam  about that talking donkey.

I reminded them that Hebrews 12 tells us we're surrounded by a cloud of these witnesses cheering us on. That not only those we know who have gone on to meet Jesus -- but all those people we read about from thousands of years before -- we're all part of this Forever Family.

I thought about my parents yesterday -- what they would be saying if they were with me -- I know they are in that cheering section in the Heavenlies.  But if she were here -Mom would be reminding me of how God took care of them in every situation as they fought battles with ALS and Muscular Dystrophy.  Dad would say something encouraging to keep me in the fight -- maybe even quoting his favorite verse.  "I can do all things through Jesus who strengthens me."  But God has also  given me so many people now - here- praying. I'M IN AWE!

That's the way I felt today -- surrounded by so much love --as I started Chemo #2.

I'm humbled by all the reminders I got this morning that people were praying. Our kids were all texting early - Katie was the first telling me she was praying  --  People far away -- and near --a nurse friend from across the street, already at work, texted to say she was praying.  

I got a hat from my friend Sherry, who texts verses every day -- this hat was knit with prayer for my healing by her daughter Rebecca.

The staff at Tulsa Cancer Institute was incredible as usual.  Terry took care of everything and was right beside me. 

I took my prayer blanket -- the one the ladies in CA made tying knots in it and praying for me as they did.

I believe the verse in James 5 that says we are to pray for one another that WE will be healed --
Healing is not conditional -- but praying for others is commanded --reminding us it is our responsibility to talk to Jesus about all our folks.  Jodie Osteen talks about praying for others during her long battle with liver cancer. Being with others in their situations keeps our focus off ourselves and on HIM.

I asked Him to remind me of all those who were standing for me and I prayed for them and tied MORE knots  -- designating different squares for different people.   Friends taking care of their seriously ill spouses -- momma's raising babies -- friends in remission-- friends and family facing challenges -- for our babies.

It lifted me up in so many ways!   So many loved ones praying -- FOR ME -- that's huge and I am indebted-- getting to pray for them -- was something I COULD do!

 Now, if you're reading this, I'd like to ask you to pray for my "sister in the same situation" -- special family -- Mat's mother -- Jan Good.  She's 11  treatments ahead of me --
Pray for her as she gets a new round of double doses in the coming weeks.
She is same stage of breast cancer as me.  So many similarities. 
We enjoy sharing being g'mas to the 3 little Goods-- now we're linked by this disease.  She's strong.  She's a fighter -- What a champ!


Pray under-girds us with strength and keeps our focus off the momentary complaints - 

I came home from treatment to find a fun box from Angie, a sweet friend who's been in constant prayer -- we shared ministry together 
several years ago-- one strong woman!  Reminding me to keep fighting!

 C.S. Lewis said --  "I don't know that prayer always changes God's mind -- but  Prayer Changes ME".

42 Years and Counting!!!

My husband is my Life Gift. He's always asking "anything I can do for you?"  (Never once giving a sigh when I repeat one more time about how I feel).  He reminds me we're a team.  I'm the lucky one. 

This is our all-Church wedding shower at Vaughn Hill Church of Christ in 1972 -- the clothes are truly 70's!!!

Every good and perfect gift . . . James 1:17

It's been a SEASON of gifts -- each and every one special and significant . . .

A special plate and Brownie mix from Keilah -- bought with her own money from her first job -- Aaah! sweet!

Hats and headgear from Pam and Cassie.  These girls not only cover my head but all sorts of other needs.

Last Friday at my low point -- a gift box arrived from Gay  -- who's been coaching and talking me through this -- it was full of  specialties -- like teas for the tummy -- cute caps for my head and GINGER SNAPS -- Each one had special significance for this journey


Saturday afternoon -- Bethany asked her Daddy to come babysit while she ran to Whole Foods -- I quickly realized the reason she had him babysit (Mat was on call) was so she could go shop for and get us our meals for the next few days -- she sent flowers from Campbell and a beautiful scarf  for my head.

Sunday's reception for our transition in ministry was a precious occasion.  I still felt weak and overwhelmed -- but  touched by the  tributes I heard --so many talked of Terry's guiding the Church like a father during these 15 years.

There was a treasure chest of cards from former members remembering special times in ministry. 
 Mary Lou Heneger worked so hard to connect with people we have known for many years.  She's been a gift to us through all our years of ministry at ETCC and Life Park.  Life Park gave us a gift certificate to a bed and breakfast of our choice. 
A friend of Linda Barr's who had gotten a breast cancer diagnosis the same week as I, gave me a book by a Tulsa author of facing this challenge.

There was a silver bracelet  from Augenae, Arissa and Bubba, three of our  KU kids and their mom, a beautiful frame from Kim Beard's ladies class  -- Tatanisha and several other ladies gifted as well.  Tasha's family a wonderful plaque -- all Mom's of our KU kids.Those gifts were especially touching
                                                    

Sweet Amy kept me in journaling supplies!

We've received gift cards to help with meals -- a real help with mealtimes on those tired days. 

After my Sunday afternoon nap-- I started to feel like my old self  for about two hours--  I thought "hey maybe I don't have to feel so crummy the whole 22 weeks" --  I slowly did a few things and worked myself up into a big sweat with panting hard to breathe.  But I felt like I was coming back! I have my 2nd treatment in a few days and have seen what the cycle can be like -- that after the LOW -- then you build slowly back.  That in itself was a gift -- the unknown isn't so scary.



Monday I'd been craving tomato soup and I slowly made my way through Owasso's Neighborhood Mkt. --  --I'm opting for the markets -- not as many germs and a whole lot less walking --I was starved for tomato soup -- I passed on the Campbell's( not enough of the herbs and spices) -- I came home to find that  Pam Bandy left three of the most delicious soups -- and the best TOMATO soup in the world. To say I devoured it is an understatement --
I now have several soups in the freezer -- perfect for lunch when that's all I can get down.  (finding I can't eat nearly as much -- maybe that's a gift, too)

Cards from my YA kids on Tuesday -- 3 of our leadership team shopped at Sam's for me for my YA snack fundraiser -- that's huge



About that time more energy -- I developed a new view of the whole thing-- (through Chuck Swindoll and other of my morning devos- I kept hearing :God sends, God directs, God guides and GOD IS IN CONTROL  -- He said --it's about your perception of the situation).  So I decided I needed  new one --

I'm not someone who's got cancer --- GOD AND I ARE KILLING CANCER.  (I'm His work in progress)

   That's empowering!  That gift was a turning for me when fatigue was catching me. 

Melonie, one of my former students,  gave me a dream catcher.She  was one of students last year who also helped us alot at KU and she stops by my room to check on me quite often.

My brother Allen came for a visit on his way to A Medical Mission conference in Ft. Worth late Wed. night --   My sister-in-law, Sandy sent a quilt from my great grandmother Severns -- saying she felt like I needed to be wrapped in family,   That's staying on the couch where I grade and write
 All that catching up was pure joy --FAMILY  is good RX. 

Our babies are an energy gift!!!

Donna and Josh Rother gave Charlie (our Maltese) a new pink dog bed!  He's taken over.  He doesn't get very far from me!

What an overwhelming surprise when I came to school Friday morning-- One of my former students, Bella Loffer brought me a quilt she had her grandmother's church in Bakersfield, California make for me. They stitched it with prayers for my healing and sent accompanying verses. I'm speechless when I think of people everywhere praying and what a beautiful gift from this precious girl and her grandmother. She's a treasure!


Each of these gifts are significant,  The quilt b/c I've helped more than a dozen students make these lap quilts for Sterling House residents across the street from our school -- and told them that they'll never know what their gifts mean. little did I know that in a few weeks I'd receive treasured blankets and quilts

This past weekend I had to be in b/c of an infection and low cells --
Leeca sent a sweet note and peppermint tea, which right now is the 
go-to beverage at our house.

Our kids keep us connected to bigger and busier life than ours is right now -- with their fun texts and pictures) 

 

I've been able to be at school 5 out of the last 6 days since my treatment!  I enjoy the gift of energy more than ever!

My friend, Jeanna came by yesterday to tell me she will come in to help my teaching load - at any time.  WHAT A HUGE GIFT!  Special thanks for her generous gift cards!

Right now after my second treatment, Bethany's close friends took it upon themselves to bring in meals for the next few days. I insisted we're fine - but these girls are determined.
 
                    I STILL HAVE MY HAIR -- WHAT A GIFT!!!

Every good and perfect gifts comes down from the Father -- the verse says --

His gifts are good.  They're from HIM to each of us. They're perfect. and THEY'RE SPECIFIC to each of us.  I am forever grateful to HIM and to each of my family and friends.

Chemo

NOW -
I know what they were talking about in chemo class  when they say FATIGUE.

We were told  of the side effects --I've had minimal ones -- no nausea YAY -- thank you, Jesus!  But FATIGUE - they kept mentioning it.

The RN said the "nadir" point might occur at day 4 or 5 (the point when your cell resistance is at it's lowest)-- I breezed through treatment day and Thursday on steroids -- I was wired not -- tired and couldn't sleep but for 4-5 hours at a time at night.  I went back to school yesterday and got through that.  (My students were so sensitive and caring -- I got kind of bogged down in their stories of cancer in their families.
WHY is there so much cancer???  I am suddenly so much more aware of it!.

THEN about 4 pm yesterday -- the bottom of my energy and stamina dropped out.

FINALLY, I could sleep -- I  have little energy to do much else. 

Saturdays are my days to get it all together for the next week.  Guess today - I'll just work on getting me together~ 

So many posts and verses are coming my way today. I don't have the energy to respond right now -- sorry -- Thank you, thank you, thank you for your prayers and taking time to think of us on your busy weekend.

This journey I want to be teachable -- not self-absorbed -- but for today -- I'm gonna rest.

One Down -- Fifteen to Go!

I'm tired and a bit weak -- but relieved we're getting it going.  It was a long day with an even longer wait for my family --  Terry and Bethany were there and Katie and Marshall were texting and letting me know they were praying with lots of messages back and forth.  .

We are a TEAM!  - Terry's the best caregiver -- Bethany brought these awesome boxing gloves -- we're gonna beat this!

Hooked up and ready to go -- got some great pre-meds to help the nausea.

Treatment One is Done!

Our hearts were tendered for those who were having a rough day -- those who were alone and those who were struggling -- We agree how very blessed we are -- a young teen was especially in distress today.

I received so many well wishes from our FB friends and family.  That love and support is a life-giver!


The staff at Tulsa Cancer Institute is extremely sensitive and caring.  We are impressed with this organization and their competent staff of physicians, nurses and techs.

We're going to be spending a lot of time here in the next 9 months

I Get By With Help From My Family and Friends

 

One of  Bethany's KC friends made this and used it as a prayer time for our extended familyand the cancer issues three of us are facing.

OK - Let's get it going!!!  The healing is already begun -- let's get the chemo going -- BUT -- I want an ultra sound to see what's been happening in there with people ALL OVER the US praying for me.  I stand amazed  -- and right now am WEEPY -- thinking about the people praying for me.

Monday night was a low point as I looked up the report on my PET scan and it called this cancer extensive.  I had to get my mind around that to manage the fear that wanted to creep up on me.
  I hardly slept last night and I think it was the energy of my friends who spent yesterday  and last night praying for me.

Revelation says that in Heaven that there is a bowl which are the prayers of the Saints -- I don't know if we each have a bowl -- but the "JAN BOWL"  is running over -- God has heard not only my prayers -- but those of so many people in my behalf. -- People who stand in for you when life is whirling so fast with dr. visits and diagnosis that you are numb to the whole process

Jesus tells us the Holy Spirit is always talking to God for us--

.LifePark had special prayers for healing on Sunday -- Mondo prayed over the both of us.  His main point struck a chord with me -- "I will lead you" and he paralleled God's leading Israel as they stood in covenant with him.

God is so good to me!!!   During this time he has sent the most precious people into my life.

Terry has been my rock beside me and my kids are standing with us helping in so many different ways.  It is hard to watch your kids
in pain for you.  All four have taken care of our every need!


A teacher friend  who referred me to my surgeon who tells me she's been praying non-stop  ...  I must be on the prayer list in at list a dozen DIFFERENT churches.

Two friends who went through this last year --  one going through it now

An AP Psych  teacher friend who promises to cut her hair shorter than mine in this whole process is standing on prayer.-- thinking maybe we can both work in a hat day for ourselves LOL if we get it REALLY short.

Our secretary who made the most scrumptious meatballs and scalloped potatoes for several meals and even brought the zip-lock bags to freeze a bunch!

My soul sister who is fasting for me as I start my treatments.

A friend in TX who wakes me up with verses she's texting
My friend in India right now praying with her parents who pray over EVERYTHING --

My childhood and oldest friend praying for me- checking in -- reminding me I can DO THIS.

Friends who are caring for family members have a special empathy and pray for this process

Marinelle always checking on me and offering to help in so many ways

I've mentioned many of  these sweet women before -- but they have NEVER given up -- 
My principals who are praying and standing strong.

 Youth Alive Leadership team members stopped by my classroom yesterday to wish me well and say they are praying -- when kids pray it makes me weepy ---
-- Nathan a leader from two years ago on college break stopped by -- so good to see him -- he's going to lead it today.

.

And my dear sweet friend and hairdresser, Joelle, at Enrique's at 101st and Yale cropped my hair yesterday and prayed for no adverse side effects. She prayed -- I agreed -- We like this short haircut and are standing in agreement to KEEP my hair during this process.  :-)  She gifted the whole process-- saying that it's a ministry she and her husband do. 

My morning blogs get a bit long -- but they are such a help as I reflect on what God is doing and has done. He brings thoughts to mind from verses that "shore me up" for the day. 

HE IS SUCH A GOOD GOOD FATHER -- 
I'm thinking of his name ABBA and El Roi today.

Jesus On this journeY

Jesus On this journeY--

Being at the cancer treatment center with my dear friend and special family, Jan Good, on Tuesday -
caused me to mull many things over in my head and so Wed morn I was awake about 4 am (my usual time for solving all the world and domestic issues on this homefront)

I got to thinking about what was ahead -- and how was I truly going to take this journey with Jesus?

I started breaking apart all the issues that often occupy my mind that early in the morning.  Suddenly I was bombarded with verses.  As I said earlier the ones God brings to mind are FOOD -- real spiritual meat.

Issues like:
Financial ones - dealing with insurance -- these co-pays and out of pocket expenses are starting over.
> Cast your anxiety on him for he cares for you  " 1 Peter 5:7

Managing treatments, teaching and energy drain
> I am the WAY, the truth and the LIFE (on the other side of this) -John 14:6

and "chemo brain"
>I am come that you may have life and have it to the full!" John 10:10

I read Jodie Osteen's book "Healed from Cancer" and she was prompted - regardless of how bad she felt to pray for others.
That verse has been constant the past few days-- "pray for each other that you may be healed".James 5:16   That's good medicine to remind me that there are so many out there with worse situations than me.  So many facing life losses that are huge.  God has blessed me with good health all these 64+ years.

At the cancer treatment center on yesterday I saw every bed full -- full of folks getting infusions to stop what's growing inside of them.  Today those beds will fill up with even more folk --

I don't want this to be about ME
I don't want cancer to dominate life right now
I want this to be about Jesus being our constant in ALL of our life stuff.

My mind sweeper -- one to clear the clutter from my mind -  "Take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ:"  2 Cor. 10:5  That will stop this 4 AM mind swell that I experience 2-3 times a week.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above"  James 1:17

God has sent the most wonderful gifts in this past month by way of special words from loving family and friends

A beautiful bracelet Bethany had made for me at Rustic Cuff - with a verse that I claimed as  MY VERSE for this time Isaiah 30:15  "In quietness and trust is my strength"

A blanket for chemo visits from my sweet friend Carol

PJ's for lounging after chemo from my hubbie

                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Tea for nausea from Rwanda that Marshall brought me -- earrings from the same country.

Girl time pedicures with Katie and our usual trip to IKEA when we visited over the holidays.
 And a precious cross necklace from her that was titled 'Faith Hope & Love'

Fun time cooking with Katie -- she always has a new Pinterest recipe!

The finished product - yummy Beef Wellington

A big tote to carry all my "stuff" to treatments and pj's both from India given to me by my dear friend Geeta


A friend from year's past, Gay who is teaching me the ropes of this process of healing from cancer

A plaque from a student who promises to pray for me,

Wonderful fun & yummy gifts from Marinelle -

Tickets to one of my favorite comedians when we're 3/4 done with chemo.

Marinelle and Sharon offering to take my subbing jobs.  That is HUGE -- Marinelle's offer came right after a panic session with God in the middle of the night as to how I was going to manage it all.

Some of the best words I heard from Gay are - "This really does go quickly -- about halfway through you think it is never going to end and you feel like giving up-- but pretty soon treatments are over and surgeries are completed"
Her words as well:    "I'm so thankful that my cancer is one that could be removed and healed"

The favorite advice for wig shopping: --  "Why pay thousands for human hair wigs that have to be fixed? -- if you can't fix your own hair -- you don't want to fix someone elses."

God is so good -- such a good, good Father as we sang on Sunday -- somehow it seems that all Sunday's worship songs spoke to my heart.