Cancer Kickers

I have been so overwhelmed, overawed and amazed by the scores of people who are praying for me -- I'm on the prayer list of so many different friends' churches. Daily friends remind me that they are praying --  I don't take that lightly.
This has prompted me to start a list of every woman that I am told has cancer.  Every time a student or friend or someone I meet casually, shares their experience or tells me of someone they know going through this same battle -- I add them to my list of "Cancer Kickers".  Sisters who are fighting this battle.  I try to mention them to God often.
I don't know if they have the army of prayer warriors who are standing in for them that I am blessed with -- I want to ask you as you pray for me -- Please mention these same women:
I'm not giving you their last names -- God knows them -- my students mention so many to me.

Donna   /  Shannon  / Linda   / Stephanie  / Patty  /Jan  /  Suzanne  / Marianne /  Gay / Michelle/
Sam K/  Michelle  / Bryan's grandmother / Dee / Leoana / Dottie / Lisa / Kelsie / Ron who won the battle against breast cancer/ Becky/ Fay/ Cheryl/ Patti / Debbie / Craig / Cherry - Liver cancer 3 years

Revelation 5 tells us that in Heaven there are golden bowls full of insence which are the prayers of God's folks  -- Friends and family have been storming Heaven for me -- God's heard my name so often -- creating a lot of noise (or incense as it says) on my behalf -- Please mention these strong ladies and men in their battle to reclaim their health.

WORDS

I can't tell you how much WORDS help when you feel like you can't breathe as you're walking down the hall for one more trip to take assignments to students in detention (bless their hearts for making a dumb choice).  This week I've had the post treatment hangover half day EVERY day and I've heard from my co-workers words of encouragement.  (It's nice to know I don't look like I feel)

Little things -- are huge right now -- in fact I count them as BIG THINGS in my blessing book

One teacher knows I need to get home pretty soon after school and Misty is taking my morning duty today so I can go to a faculty meeting before school and not have to make it up AFTER -- she said I'd be able to go home earlier to rest. WHO THINKS OF THAT???

My co-worker, Buffy who is 64 weeks pregnant (not really -- but baby is big and she is so uncomfortable -- is always going out for our lunch and bringing it back to me).  We both walk at the same speed these days and for both of us our FEET HURT.
I see God in the daily blessings -- our neighbor Alejandra brought us dinner last night -- she wrapped cheese around flour tortillas for me -- no spice yet -- just "plain Jane" stuff.

Pam posted this picture on FB with her promise of continual prayers

Pam's yummy soup has gotten me through this week.   Carrissa, Cassie and Jessica fed us this entire weekend post treatment -- what sweet girls with "littles" taking time to put our dinner on the front porch so as not to disturb us. Such yummy food -- I don't have to worry about what to fix when being around the smell of food turns my stomach.  My friend, Jeanna keeps us in restaurant cards.  My friends Carol and Sherry continually text encouraging messages.

TUESDAY was sunny and warm -- didn't realize how the dark gloomy weather had affected my mood.

Some of our best lessons are learned on the dark days-- I love Lent b/c it's that time pre-Resurrection Sunday when we re-focus and re-form to Jesus.  It starts in the dead of winter when the days are gray. -- Spring is coming -- the bright green in the first grass will be the best green and the spring flowers will be the brightest and my favorite colors -- bright yellow, and pink and purple and red -- it's a re-awakening --  I'm glad b/c it seems like the past two months have been 6 months long.

Some things cannot be learned in the light. The greatest treasures are often buried in the deepest pits, and require a step of faith to discover.  Mary Southerland 

This verse keeps coming up in my morning devos.
And I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness - secret riches. I will do this so you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, the one who calls you by name (Isaiah 45:3, NLT)

Roller Coaster Ride

I sailed through my chemo on Thursday -- had a strong day on Friday and even caught up with my school work on Friday evening and posted grades!!!  I was sailing high -- thinking about how I'd never felt quite this good the day after treatments.  On Friday afternoon I got my last neulasta shot and by Sat. morning could hardly get out of bed.  It's been a rough weekend -- queasiness even with the meds and wakefulness half of last night.  The nurse explained as she "shot" me that the reason these tired times come is b/c my bone marrow is working double time to produce enough white cells for the ones that the meds had been killing.

My spirit felt dry and I wanted so badly to make it to Life Park today - The last two weekends I was too ill to make it ... it felt like forever since I'd been with our Church family.
I knew what my soul  needed. .  .I wanted to be there for Praise and Worship. . . I was so fragile that every person's hug made me weepy -- but as we continued to sing - I got stronger on the inside of me.

Mondo's message on covenant from Genesis 15 - struck a cord.  He brought so much out of it:

He hit on vs. 1-2 -- Where God tells Abram -- "I am your shield -- your very great reward"  I have taken that verse to heart often, here lately.  But he mentions that after such a profound statement -- Abram asks --"But what about that son you were going to give me."  i..e -- forget the reward -- where's the kid?
Mondo reminded us that the first time God gives the promise of decendants HE has Abram look DOWN at the sand -- the next time He has him look UP at the stars. . . I'd never paid any attention to that.

Then he goes on to explain the whole cutting covenant process with the livestock and the fact that God walks through those animals by Himself  -- HE never asks Abram to walk through it with Him as was custom with a covenant -- it's like HE said -- HERE, I'll do this for you -- you don't have to do a thing!  So many reminders God is taking care of all of this now and will in the months to come.

We went late and left early b/c visiting is hard when I'm that weak -- as we were pulling away, Brenda's little elementary class rushed the car with cards they had made for me.  As we were making a quick exit out a side door -- she kicked it into high gear and rushed her kiddos out the same to catch us.
Driving away, we both agreed -- that we needed to be there and yes, Mondo is fulfilling his role in a powerful way.

With Pam Bandy's yummy chicken noodle soup -- which I scarfed down -- a good nap -- Joel and Mitzi's prayers for my strength and healing -- I'm on my way up!!!

God's Gifts

I have often talked about the gifts that God has given me in this season.  On last Saturday (Valentine's Day), I received a card and note from one of my closest childhood friends - Debbie Miles.  The kind of friend you spend afternoons at each other's houses cooking, talking girl things, riding bikes, painting finger nails - imagining life to come.

From my mother's album -- my 11th birthday --  

We grew up in church together--my family and her's were close friends since elementary school- our families often going on outings together.  I immediately recognized her handwriting after 42 years.

We'd gotten together a few times during that time frame -- but living far apart in different states  -- I'd moved several times.  I'd keep up with her through her parents for several years -- but as our parents grew older and our children kept us busier, our lives had both picked up a fast pace and we'd lost touch. 

 Debby Miles Smith was my Maid of Honor  at our wedding. Even as teen agers -- I always respected her genuine and tender heart.  She has always been beautiful inside and out.  She was a true spirit -- and had a sense of humor that always could see the funny side of things.
(I remember how I could get so tickled at her during church -- oops).  

Notice that same beautiful smile through all these years.

I acknowledge these "God stops" because I see what HE is doing for me each and every day.
"Loving Kindness" is a phrase that is attributed to HIM -- it's a way that I describe HIS favor right now.  The Peace that HE is giving day after day -- even today when I was dreading another A & C treatment (although I knew it would be my final one -- I still got a knot in my stomach thinking about what would follow).

Lamentations 3:23-25
Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
    for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.
24 I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
    therefore I will wait for him.”

I guess I'm beginning to get it - when you are at the Nadir point -- you are susceptible to lots of germs out there.  It seems that at every Nadir point -- I catch something or have to deal with something that doesn't want to clear up.
My students have been coming down with strep, colds and all the other germs that are out there.
I try to stay out of their space and not get "up close and personal".   The past few days at school I've been more aware of students who were "germy".

I always claim the verse Lord, "you are my shield and defense". -

 When trees started pollinating - I assumed that my sinus problem was due to allergies. By Friday it felt like I was on the verge of something. . .  like a head cold -- by Sunday morning I began to feel flu -like. Before I can take much medicine I have to check with the Cancer Institute -- they said it was time to get a flu screeening.
Didn't have the flu - thank you Jesus -- just an upper respiratory infection -- to be safe they put me on Tamiflu and a z-pack.  Not used to having to take so many precautions or medicine.

However, since I'm out there with all the germs -- I'd say staying clear of it all as long as I have is pretty remarkable.
So for now - I'm taking extra naps, drinking lots of fluids.

We were still able to get in a sleepover with the 3 little Goods, anyway, while their mommy and daddy were out of town.  The girls hadn't been able to come since I started treatments.  With Mon / Tues being off school - I figured we could manage.  Terry and I tag-teamed it.  Couldn't have done it without him.

That was the best medicine!!!

This little guy had about an hour of settling in -- i.e. crying full pitch (think it was his reflux) -- after that he grinned the whole time.  What a sweetheart  #thosebigeyesgethimwhateverhewants#

Update

I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name (Isaiah 45:3)

This is today's verse in my morning e-devo.

I'm still sitting here thinking about the fact that in all this God is calling me by name and that HE has treasures in this.

I am seeing those treasures.  .  . renewed and deeper relationships - strength on the hard days.

(I've described these first few days back to school to Marshall as trying to walk with concrete boots on).  .  . new insights.  I don't want to miss a thing that HE has for me in this.

Yesterday's doctor appointment with my breast surgeon revealed that I am improving.

She sees a reduction in the cancer. She still sees it -- but We are winning this cancer war!!  

Terry has been so encouraging and my help mate through it all-- He is God's gift in this secret place.

Joymakers

Sunday afternoon the kids headed over when Sydney woke up. She and Campbell wanted their tea party as soon as they hit the door.  I had  made some chocolate mini muffins.  I knew those would fit perfectly on the tiny plates to theFisher Price tea set of their momma's.

After they got home, Bethany texted and asked if the tea was caffienated -- I assured her it wasn't -- as they were wired and giggly for the longest time -- 'guess it was all the chocolate muffins they ate.  That's why Nanas and Pappas send grandkids home. LOL

Speaking of Sydney . . . she's come into her own two-yr. old self these past few days.  She took to potty training in a hurry letting everyone know early that she could do it herself.  With an infant, and independent two yr. old and a preschooler -- Bethany is always on the move.

I got to go to visit the girls at dance.  Campbell's Jazz walk is a  "show -stopper"

The other night, after asking to sleep in Campbell's bed - Syd got herself up at 2:30 am and started having a dress-up party.  Finding all sorts of Campbell's outgrown legwarmers and shoes  in the closet, she put  them on to dress up like her mommy.  She found a bright pink shoe and an old tennis shoe of C's and decided she had herself some new shoes and proudly wears them. EVERYWHERE!

She's an adventurer and likes to go exploring.--moving quickly on her scooter.
Pappa is still her favorite and they are best buddies - her favorite games with him are "jumpy jumpy" and "swingy swingy"

SISTER ACT


It is so much fun to watch the two girls enjoy their sister times. - Campbell gets to boss only if it is on Sydney's agenda and something she wants to do.

Sweet Baby Jack is full of grins and lets himself be cuddled by his big sis.  Campbell is so good with him and enjoys making him grin.  Poor little guy has been having the worst time with Reflux and tomorrow they'll do more testing.

Those three little Goods are GOOD Rx.  They put everything in the right perspective.

Yep, it's true: " A cheerful heart is good medicine"  Prov. 17:22

Trench Time

Day 3 and 4 are the pits on this Adriamycin / Cytoxin cycle -

Treatment Day and the day after, I'm kind of buzzed on the drugs and the sterroids --

About 36 hours after treatment -- the bottom falls out and I can't seem to get out of bed --
 the Zofran - I found out is partly responsible for that -- the nurses say I HAVE to take it at the first sign of queasiness -- but after that I can't seem to make my body do anything but lie flat in bed.
But sleep doesn't come -- All those meds whirling around in my body make me sort of wired and short of breath.  Yesterday on Day 5 - I went back to school -- very weak -'wished for a place to lie down - all day long --God got me through.

It  was good to get back to my routine and teenagers and a place where the "C" word doesn't take precedence.

Terry said something inciteful tonight -- "The fact that you are feeling so sick says that you're in the healing process.  If we hadn't found this when we did, you'd be feeling great right now - and the cancer would be growing.
 I go back to my breast doctor tomorrow -- the first time since I started chemo.  I can't wait to see the healing process that is happening show up on the monitor.

Cancer - Where's it Coming From?

Finished 3 out of 4 of the mean nasty ones!

OK -- it's time we address this whole Breast Cancer issue--- WHAT IS GOING ON IF 1 out of 8 women have breast cancer?  WHERE IS THIS COMING FROM?

I know that the warnings have been out there for years about hormone replacement therapies and the risks involved.

I took hormonoes for 28 years.At 29 I had a metroplasty (basically had my uterus rebuilt) - to be able to carry children full-term and delivered by two C-sections.    I had a mass on the one ovary, had to have a hysterectomy at 35 and by 37 the ovary I had left was to cover my needs but it didn't.  Hormones improved my quality of life.

As a young mother of a 5 yr. old and a 7 yr. old -- sleep was vital  and something to keep me feeling
like a whole person was necessary. It kept my from going psycho on my family and we were all happier campers.  My doctors assured me that the dosage was safe -- and even in my later years the small dosage with no history of breast cancer it was believed that I would be in the clear.

Early on in medical school Marshall begged me to get off them -- but I insisted my doctors said I was fine.

I take full responsibility -- I needed my energy and sense of well-being that having adequate estrogen provided.

I always kept up my mammograms.  YEARLY since I was about 40.  Even in the past 10 years -- there were suspicious ones that the Breast Center would call me back for a diagnostic evaluation and I always came out clear.  Whenver something felt out of the ordinary -- I would check with my doctor.

My present situation began to become evident in late June -- Aug. 1 it was still sensitive and I saw my Gynecologist -- who reccomened me for a diagnostic mammogram.  They felt it was just dense tissue
and would see me in 6 months.  I was due for a yearly in 3 months I reminded them-- so they decided it wouldn't hurt to move it up.  That test showed something suspicious and called for a needle biopsy which revealed the cancer and I got the results while I was a school.

My breast surgeon -- called mine "sneaky" -- said I'd had it for a long time.  That my tissue was dense and it was hard to see.  Estrogen makes your breast tissue denser.  When I asked her if I caused this her answer "maybe".   (soft way to keep me off the guilt wagon)
Bethany looked at me squarely and said,
"Doesn't matter mom -- IT IS WHAT IT IS -- we are going to conquer this."

It's about doing your research - learning all you can - self advocate.

Girls -- do your monthly self-exams.

Watch the chemicals you are taking in foods AND be careful of supplements and OTC even herbals that are not always regulated and clearly checked.  I applaud you young moms who are watching the perservatives in foods and going organic.  SOMETHING in our world is making us sicker.

Get re-checks and second opinions.  Find a physician you can relate to.

When we asked our oncologist today about a new drug that Pfizer came out with on Tuesday he still called mine in the early stages (I thought Stage 3 wasn't so early)  But it was GOOD to hear.  He said the new drug is for those that have matastisized and nothing else will work.  He said I didn't fit that category.

I'm done with treatment #3 -- one more of the nasty ones that kill good and bad cells to get at the cancer.  They tell me the last 12 aren't so bad on your body -- just make you tired and achy.

I have to tell you when I hear the news of someone else with the C word -- my heart melts.
Thankful for Healing!